9/11 Tune Tuesday

4NeonFun Banner Art with link to site, click here.
Tune on in for more enjoyable banner art ☕Cheers! ~4NeonFun

Well, I made this piece today well, for some very enjoyable banner art of course! Just a couple days until convention now everybody and we just about have everything set, like getting there. We are considering flight if nobody responds to our carpool request to the various Facebook groups. Well here it is, illustrating that we really just must make it work and that we should even if the sponsor could not. I got Kendall tagging along with me, it is a crazy concept that it is tomorrow that we travel… We get there and check in, at any rate we shall get on over and have set up for events, meals and much more.

☕Cheers! ~4NeonFun

Disclaimer

But, as you know some of these posts can be well a bit nitty gritty and often personal stories about my life… Well, this is one of those posts.. Some stories could simply left to fester but it is really bad for mental health to do that so instead, I am going to say that we should just say my my alters had the story, as at that point I dissociated and was technically dead, or on drugs or dealing with drug toxicity… it as they may just say it was a literal “fuck it” moment. everyone has or is prone to getting them more than others…

But I had mine… It is tough in dealing with a variety of things, like for instance I am not just one person… There is a few in there… some are crazier than myself, and well… One who goes by the name Jennavine is super helpful… In fact everyone else kinda just calls her the doctor… Heck, why was it me that is the main one anyways instead of her? We could have had another physician here instead of someone who probably needs one… But all jokes aside… This one is deadly..

I did combine drugs that have lethal drug interactions…. Though my fuck it moment made my heart stop a minute and as all vitals stay thay way a moment, intervention was held, though I have no recollection of what actually happened so I could not really say… I know, yet it is hard to convince my SO that I had a dissociative moment and sentience on my part was lacking… For all intents, I could have been nothing… But rather… Its the shared fuck it moment…

I just wanted to die, I really did not want to be here living daily with the problems I got but rather I could very well have just ended it, I just really wanted out. I do not want to play anymore whether it was outside, behind a wall or worse off trapped in some stage of lockdown.. I just want to erase self off and out so, I guess my body just went and did it in its possessed state…

The bad stereotype side of having multiple personalities though, it is not the typical to have violent or self-destructive urges, it is quite the opposite Rather the MPD Is usually beneficial or was developed as personalities split off during development and become their own entities entirely. Like conjoined twins, but they are not phenotypically there as the twins are… Yet, you can tell if you know a person enough when it was themselves and when it was simply not the case. In mine, however Jennavine has more of a will to live than myself and was powerful…

Would I be crazy if I told you that she zapped my heart while I was out and took over while I was comatose… I know, I woke up with a jolt later on at some point albeit hollowed out as it was still tender in that area from it.. Sounds like a fragment of a fictional story but hear me out… Friday night was a combination of my normal prescription… Well and about half a bottle of rum.. To which I was told and I had no recollection of it.. I passed out around 11 much before the drinking happened… In that time it was recorded that vitals stopped a minute… And my tongue was obstructing the airflow. Irony and I cannot even talk about what is bothering me… but that was the extent of my memory until about Sunday around maybe 10 ish… hey or the others who share my body would say that my body was very much active. So, much to the point it brought others back to my house and the jury is still out on the entirety of the story which was not recollected by Jennavine or told by others who were physically there… But I did go over to my house, something was evicted out of my head, some of the symptoms went away… But at another point, my breathing and heart rate stopped, I was unaware of when/where or even that I have given thanks for saving my life, one would have thought they remembered waking to that? Well I did not or even when or where I needed help.. Ironic how everyone knows your story other than yourself.

I could describe it just as simply fading away… Senses dull, vision went first followed by touch/taste/smell then hearing was the last to go… Deep sleep I may say, that i have had the chatter say their goodbyes and then I saw some of it… Very foggy… Third person through a frosted fisheye lens… One way of describing my own vantage point. Yes, others think you are crazy and you have issues, when in reality it is not anyone else who matters when it was chosen to be overlooked and others thought how rude or how or why do you put up with that? The answer is simple but sometimes I feel like I just might keep appearing to end up in the same situation…

My partner accepts me for who I am, and is very lenient on my actions. Frankly, I feel like I suck at relationships, I thought maybe an open relationship to keep the alters happy would suffice but I met someone who is very old school when it comes down to it and he really does not like sharing… Though there’s this clash, he sees it as disrespectful because you have shared yourself in a way that is forbidden to really speak about… You find yourself feeling like an idiot asking others what happened when you have to piece together the story when your SO is screaming bullshit, when in reality you have dissociated yourself in a combination of you knowing full well it was a blackout and recollection was slight and very divorced from reality of the body in which it is using… and for that I lost some trust because of my “fuck it” led to something and else taking over and acting as me combining alcohol and psycotrophic drugs smoking poppers and going all literal in the sense.. Go through, it would have killed me .. Well, how else? and them just found that he has thrown the fact that he has been lenient and letting it pass and standing up for everything I do. I thought that cut in deep as he even mentioned that plus the issues with his sleep schedule.. Well, when the brain fog from the stress of being confronted using some of the most elementary stuff one can imagine. Well, if one could have verbal judo on paper, his would cut it. when all you can do is ask others for pieces of the puzzle but you are unable to zoom out and see the big picture.. Perhaps what was real, was I taken advantage of or did I really cheat, or is this entirely different? Anyways thanks to the rest of you for staying around and reading and have

☕Cheers! ~4NeonFun

Tags: #4NeonFun #ConventionCountdown #traveldays #lastminutebooking #art #health #wellness #tunetuesday #venting #logoart #textart #halftone #dither #point #halo #mpd #neardeathexpeience #911 #multiplepersonalities #selfdestruct #momentofsilence

Author: 4neonfun

👋Hello, and welcome to my corner of the Internet! Here you will find a unique collection of stories and artistic expression. ⭐A system with a dark history and a bright future.🌟 We DID it!🎉 Certified Nursing Attendant & Administrative professional. Visit my website at www.4neonfun.xyz ☕Cheers! ~4NeonFun

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