Confliction on the mind leads to changes in judgment. Friendly fire kills fortune and burns bridges. When one is not cognizant on the facts, perception heads to distortion of intentions. Backs got stabbed, but not intentionally. I cannot help but to feel remorse to those actions. Whether it it internal or external, it reflects a betrayal on myself.
I am not your average person. I am not the only one who lives in my head, that I consult with… One was Jennavine who was assigned to my head about a decade ago when I have almost took my life. I saw a blue sheet of light hovering in the air suddenly went dark… That was when my life really changed… I had Salica since early childhood but was dormant due to character traits.
Jennavine, to which everyone just calls “The Doctor” has never let me down and never intends to ever let me down. I fought her with many of the steps she has taken. She wants me to thrive but with all my attempts throughout the years, it is highly counterproductive to her efforts. I don’t really have the desire or will to live but she does have the desire to keep me around. She saves my life, and sometimes I just lash out at her and become toxic… I couldn’t even remember all the times that she restarted my organs during systematic shutdown during another attempt. I fought her through it all just wanting to go but she had stronger desires to keep me around so it was so. During dissociative episodes she cleaned out the poison that was killing me… Most would be grateful to be saved but all I would feel is remorse that someone else has to rescue someone who simply does not wish to….
Salica had seizures and was violent… It appeared as she was the humanoid extension of myself that split as I was developing… She had claws and has a zest for sharp objects. Well that zest morphed into a full blown fetish and desires to fill her void with blades… Over time, she grew close and Salica changed over the years and rid her of the seizures, declining bouts of psychosis, and her violent tendencies have began to neutralize. She has had an active libido which was way different from which from me who could have become a Nun not because of religion but just so that men would stop trying to get in my pants. There has been a balance that struck so it is a healthy libido of a young adult so I can have…
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