11/11 Memory Monday

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Memory Monday

To sum up the week…

I underestimate myself and end up taking paths of less resistance.

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Better tell everyone because my whole sense of self has become distorted….

I have just become quotable. Well, I best explain the intention behind each.

I would rather be in the pit of dispair than reside at the peak of Mt. Stupid with Dunning–Kruger. ~Amy Molnar, 4NeonFun

Bit of psychology background… See Dunning–Kruger effect – Wikipedia

Since ignorance is bliss, those up on “Mt. Stupid” may regard themselves as experts and that they know it all, when they may never even realize that they may never even have the tools or what it takes to advance any further. You may short change yourself as you commonly found yourself being taken advantage of. Having the realization that you are not the greatest is humbling, and that since you have experienced yourself having a dynamic sense of confidence, you may begin to notice yourself having a grounded perspective on how one may proceed. In a trough, it is seen as a restructuring phase as you lost that artificial sense of confidence and you break yourself to your foundation where you have room to go up. You may even sustain yourself in grounding resolve is a much more honest level of confidence and that you are cognizant yet consistent in proceedings.

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Understanding Potential

I sound like an idiot to others because I cannot articulate in a way that everyone can understand. I try to get someone to understand, and it is like I am speaking another language. It wasn’t until others had to decipher my language, though that now my statements now fly right off the charts and over their heads. They had no idea how to handle someone like me. It isn’t everyday you have lost what felt like everything at the moment…

Though it was because I have lost the battle that was for my new position. I was let go, there was not a rhyme or reason for them to ultimately make that decision though it was much like an old boys club and they had concerns because everyone did it their own ways and had their own routine. I was literally pushed around and talked to like a 3 year old, not only was my hip subluxed from being pushed, sciatic nerve pain (sciatica) and now posed in a psychologically unsafe workplace. I really wanted to work this through with my colleague but there’s like this animosity where the air just becomes uncomfortable and you don’t feel comfortable so you do what you need to and leave. I never wanted to escalate the situation by saying anything. I can give a look of disapproval and walk away. I do not want to risk a fight, safety was considered and it wasn’t physically or psychologically safe…

How come do I lose sleep over something that the person who really should be fretting about it can sleep peacefully? ~Amy Molnar, 4NeonFun

It is maddening. Though, while I was there (all of two months) it was a constant battle of self… I was exhausted… Burnt out trying to keep this position and to meet their standards. I simply was a square peg in a round hole and I was not like the others. I had no sense of security while there, really only anxiety and yes it was understood due to the probation period. It was a double edge sword in business keep your head low and test it out over a quarter and see how it goes. I was paranoid, every day I sought reassurance that I was in good standing. I have built up rapport with the residents, families and some of the other workers. Though, I had seen some problems when some colleagues began treating you like you are inadequate, to be expected but not to this level. Degrade your speed, tell you your methods are wrong when you have a different approach that may also work. Things like – I am open to learning your ways too but I ultimately learned it this way. How come you do it this way when I never saw it done like that? — Were met with a smirk… I never got a fob or badge while there or even a locker despite asking… backlogged? Really?! So I had to be let in a lot of the time and that had me running on late because you are locked out and you are waiting to be let in to go to report, which of course is another locked door! *knock knock* “Ahhhh you are late! We are starting Report” There were going to be problems. I saw I coming from a mile away but like in the movies, where you wake up strapped to the track one moment and you see the train. To prepare for such an outcome can be tragic and the grief is anticipatory in nature. They have this one motif – that I was intelligent. Though, even up to my termination meeting it was mentioned. I appreciate the compliment, but it does so little when you know full well that you’re losing the job you dreamed of having for years. It was my first choice and it was the location I did my placement as a student.

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I do not like to dull myself. Ultimately because it is such a grind to sharpen yourself back up. ~Amy Molnar, 4NeonFun

Back to healing • Back to the drawing board • It is a tough feeling • Just move forward

Going back to the grind to sharpen your skills so you may find success in your life. Have a plan and the right tools can help you get there! Bright ideas never die and you miss 💯% of the shots you don’t take. Raise your weapons and have plenty of ammo because it is an uphill battle. Though, I find strength to see that others have never sharpened up. They drop before the battle has begun and only those who are prepared may have a chance.

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It was such a memory recourse to have. I wish to make up my own firm, perhaps one where we come provide services to you because you are unable to come to us. Because I have some education…. Well maybe onwards to a degree of something but something along the lines of degrees…. Now I am really on a random thinking spree here and now…. Some names of business might come to mind…. Especially if all I would need is 6 months of schooling to get the credentials to open this business. I could even name it something silly like “FreeDegree” because it can be a play of words for freedom to move as in your degree of range of motion and well it may be a stretch but that name kinda just rolls off the tongue and well all these puns are totally intended.

Freedegree

Osteopath because ya gotta bone to pick to get in line.

Genius slogan: You better get in line because we have a bone to pick with you!

Or: even a play on the name itself… Its probably not going to be the resulting name though if a practice exists, then it may come to you. We are flexible!

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I refuse to have my intelligence questioned by those with questionable intelligence. ~Amy Molnar, 4NeonFun

This quote is relatively easy to understand. Basically, not only do I understand that I am an idiot and I refuse to have my intelligence undermined by those who is more than likely less than yourself. It also can be seen as an adaptation of not throwing rocks when you live in a glass house. If you cannot take it, then don’t serve it. Mrs. Potts, you need to stop calling the kettle black. I am even inline quoting myself, because some people can enlighten themselves ou are next to the lightswitch so turn on the light. Though… “Far too many know better yet choose worse.” ~Myself… Actually let’s go into this as well…

So many people know better yet choose worse. ~Amy Molnar, 4NeonFun

There are a few arrangements to this quote, but the most common form I used yet not hearing anyone else say it. So, like many of my other lines, I used it to explain how the cognitive dissonance between their values and their actions. Why would you choose something when you know you may respond and perhaps have a more positive outcome.

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Nestled in the heart of my business and none of yours…

Cut that out! They cut me loose…. Oh well, I may always see it that

I am a double edged sword fulfilling the duties of a butter knife. ~Amy Molnar, 4NeonFun

There was talking amongst the crowd that I will have my intelligence throttled by those who govern by the slowest. Mole doesn’t think so; he doesn’t think that I am the type to fall into the melting pot to have all individuality stripped and instead fall into their approved description. Mole thinks he might underdevelop himself because he is on to take the path of least resistance and not to push yourself through more than necessary, so he thinks he may end up in the trenches. “I do not like to dull myself. Ultimately because it is such a grind to sharpen yourself back up.” ~Myself. You may be dull and non threatening, but not sharp and do not make any fast moves. Just do your job and try not to threaten others with your brilliance.

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Quite honestly, it has done a psychological number on me.

I suppose I have found freedom from that place

Shell – shock as some say…. I was at war–with myself

I require therapy so that I may start to heal • I am not there no more so it can’t hurt me, but still it takes up mental real estate.

It has changed me as a person… Was never once fired and you lost what you once dreamt. Perhaps it is different than losing loved ones but you interact with those who are fighting for their life… To interacting with the families as you provided end of life care. One of which was part of para rescue, and I will always the coolest. One day he said the vent bothered his eyes and he wanted to be by the window so I grabbed the students and we rearranged the entire room. Good times, it was fun and I don’t think anyone really knew it was me but I did mention it to my supervisor that was done. Also, I felt like a leader when I had the students as that empowered me to conduct myself as the leader and someone who is in the role of a mentor rather than a newb out of college who just joined the BOYS’ Club.

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Rememberance Day

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~•Lest we forget•~

For a pittance of time

Stand in silence for a moment and show our respect

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🌟Bright ideas never die!🌟 ~4NeonFun

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Tags: #Veterans, #Respect

Author: 4neonfun

👋Hello, and welcome to my corner of the Internet! Here you will find a unique collection of stories and artistic expression. ⭐A system with a dark history and a bright future.🌟 We DID it!🎉 Certified Nursing Attendant & Administrative professional. Visit my website at www.4neonfun.xyz ☕Cheers! ~4NeonFun