12/17 Tunesday

Photo Credit: Pixabay


And so it goes.. ๐ŸŽญ

Hey 4NeonFun, you are sharing a Pixabay image. What gives? Yeah go figure that I would have to explain a bit further as to why it was this photo… I chose this one for a variety of reasons. This may be long winded tune to some ears, but for the rest of you who created your own band. We band together to dance to the beat from our own seat. You look at it and might look like you may see it as a scene from the Matrix. In fact, there is yet another cause to tie to my post today. Will you take the red pill and listen or shall you choose to take the blue pill and fall back to the simulated version that you feel comfortable with? We see and look through a lens and observe and in each share frames of life with those and we are. Though the bigger picture may appear fragmented, what is reflectedin each of those panels represent a piece which is simply incomplete without the rest. You see, behind the observer fades into blackness. There is not much really on myself that is seen past what is projected and reflected. They see what I choose to allow them to see. Inevitably some gain my trust and I allow them into my inner world and if they look past it as some do, I was doing my best but if you don’t wish for me here then who am I to waste my time?

Now to get the visuals out. Since my creative juice is a mirage and in a drought on the graphic design dept., I appear to have a trickle on some creativity on how saw the outside shell of my inner world as a palace & establishment as an asteroid floating through space, which has since become grounded. Because I cloak it all out, most will never get a chance to see anything. It may seem crazy, like I have a few extra heads, I guess that I am to some degree for coming out as a multiple. When it is so easy to act singular and just reflect back the sugarcoated versions of the system’s shared memories and experiences. How each would interact in a given scenario, as each have their own personal likes and feelings and are on the varying levels of introversion/extroversion.

It may also be viewed as fragmented to others as they only have a small snippet of the big picture; and incomplete story. Though yeah much sometimes I make a switch and while I appreciate how others may only see it as a fragmented point of view, as I have once shared that and even went as far as trying to associate Salica as part of my shadow… something that should be treated rather than something that is perhaps another dimension of you. I tried ignoring it and I have tried various methods to deal with it and ultimately I realized I have to accept it and find ways to operate cohesively as a team instead. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Barely, squeaks by and as the old saying goes “The squeaky wheel gets the grease!” So, well the cure to a squeaky clean is a little elbow grease. I was feeling a bit like a squeaky wheel that may end up finding the greaser… Perhaps a little help?


The Head Committee has another goal in mind – acceptance. It goes past your own locus of control as to say and it isn’t simply personal acceptance as it goes much further than that. That I shall redefine those connections to those who truly can accept me for who I am as opposed to who I am not. Though, come to think about it and many people may experience shame during this if they were in my shoes, though they don’t want to be seen as fragmented. I heard it was described by “family” members who haven’t even a basic concept on how human psychology works, that I can simply do as they request so instead I simply asked to keep your promises. I do not wish to live a charade anymore, so either accept me for who I am as a system which includes my alters or if you were to pass judgment, I do not wish to speak of it or anything else again. If I must stand this treatment, the connection will suffer as I will not accept it and stand up and fight the foul.

Okay perhaps I was harsh for saying that they know nothing but they sure like to paint it that way? It sucks but seeing that yes I do still have the very same signs DID into my 20’s and never went away like some of other phases you’d expect to see in teens. Mnaeh, the rest don’t like me like they like Amy and some don’t like the sexy doctor either because she *exists*. I wanna cut em up, though I know that is wrong to react so violent. They saw a small snippit to which I was verging there and because my history, they don’t like me. They don’t care to see how I changed and like Amy’s old bully, Anthony we are nothing like our childhood selves. Anthony is close now, and he has some answers. Mnahhh and I shank(appreciate) how he had his suspicions, he was so angry and inattentive that he was only able to explain vaguely what he had seen a few times. The guidance councilor mad note of this and never told anyone. Wasn’t noted as a problem and Amy had no clue until grade 9 when the councilor finally mentioned it and her suspicions. Dr. J what would you say as a reaction? What you do and how you remain so composed despite and that they say things that are just so cutting and morally degrading?


That is an interesting question, which would need to be answered in parts as it goes beyond a singular issue.

There is an element of self-preservation, and it was confidential unless you pose as a risk. Consider the system as a whole. Each entity is complete in its own rite and without all parts to complete the system, then the system shall fail to operate in working order. The outside simply does not understand the intimate workings of this system, therefore, it is unfounded to assume that it is disfunctional based on such. Simply because some may behave in a dysfunctionally doesn’t mean that it is typical of all systems.

Often we see and define psychopathy, for instance as anyone who is by definition thinking and behaving in a way that deviates from what others in a particular culture may accept as normal. On either side of the spectrum from those in positions of responsibility and authority that elevate to those of who lack these traits and those whose placement be be considered a liability to the overall cause.

I like to see normal as an average based on how that person let’s look at a play for instance, and edit the script. How would each character react if they had filled that role?

Consider the other contextual points such as setting and consider a line of best fit to represent the cultural norms in any particular culture. For instance, you may consider dismembering an animal as not only a cultural norm, but it invokes a positive reaction and may even cite celebration; others treat you favorably. Yet, contrast to others where they not only consider harming animals morally wrong but morally just to treat others highly unfavorably in the name of justice. I would also proceed towards calling negative traits within a culture as cultural disorders when they interfere with the overall progression, functionality, dynamic, health and/or survival of named society. Cultural traits may have a negative impact on its people which may ultimately lead to questioning its stability.

We consider examples of individual deviation from cultural ideals and norms rather than how a society deviates from a collective or individuals ideals within the sample. It may sound odd to some though consider how cultural tradition and habits may deviate from how individuals within the sample actually consider as beneficial. Many feel that likeness is non-threatening though fail to accept that familiarity breeds contempt.

You must accept that each culture have positive and negative attributes. These attributes can shape a culture by expecting a certain order within its society. How is it that we treat others who are simply different than ourselves an acceptable social norm? It may have more to do with the innate sense of reward vs. benefit; if the difference is understood and complimentary, then we would expect succuss as a likely conclusion. If the difference seen is not understood properly or even understood to be detrimental, then it is likely percieved as a lower confidence in the overall success.

Consider the positive and negative effects that attitudes and social norms have. Substance abuse, for example is another taboo to which is not fully understood. Substance abuse can lead to many negative outcomes. However, the accepted response upon the discovery of the bahavior can be caprecious. Engaging in these activities has a generally negative impact and may be cause for others who wish to separate themselves from the behavior by shunning the individual. Others may believe that this behavior is worthy priority in the criminal sense and; that those charges come with heavy sentences. When treating a mental health issue as a criminal issue, the likelihood of actually improving is slim as it fails to address the underlying cause.

From the reasons that one may experiment with activities under the table to those that generally partake in the occult [hidden – for context]. Perhaps these trends can be used to determine whether or not partaking in such activities is truly harmful to humanity or simply observed as a problem for it being atypical and potentially indicative to something much more sinister based on the way we accept contructs within our society.

Since the interpretation can be extremely flexible, one can shape and define a defect based on how it clashes with the interpretor’s worldview. Since this is so subjective, involving another variable as one’s culture may only fragmented definitions and is extremely receptive to misinterpretation. Much more concrete and universal definitions should be declared to refine scope by which we approach these concerns. The desired result being that there are more clear definitions that underscore the cause(s) of crises and seeing that we address these problems in a holistic and meaningful way.

Finally, many find that they have a glass ceiling that stifles their unique and original thought process. Some may even feel threatened that they’d observe their peers break that ceiling. This can be a known trigger to some as they feel inadequate based on their inability to break their own glass ceiling. Having high regard and esteem can solidify your confidence. They often say that they go without and they will find the closest to living your reality is to get under their skin. Once you disarm them, there is little by way of power that they can leverage on you. The instigator failed to evoke the desired reaction and must move on to other victims.


I like making analogies, and quite often I will make some abstract perhaps even paradoxical points and juxtapose those ideas forth. Today I was comparing Microsoft Word’s Spell Check on papers to how one may choose to express their lifestyle as juxtaposed by their cultures. Office has its own dictionary and conventions that allow users to correct their mistakes to become more accurate. Sometimes you must write a paper where you have an interesting character name and you add it to dictionary to save you the hassle of seeing that squiggly red line. Perhaps to others they may accept certain traits or disorders or even reclaim the word and “add to dictionary” and they may perhaps use a delusional or biased as they have modified their paradigms on what is correct in the dictionary instead and instead you become factually biased, perhaps even delusional as you could go as far as creating a whole new dictionary with no resemblence to the original. I feel like my life has many of these red underlines, as I am different from everyone else in society in a variety of ways. You feel though as being a multiple was to be underlined so, if that were the case then you would expect to see an underline underscoring the majority of childhood into the present. There is a stigma against this particular disorder because I knew it wasn’t typical to have head mates. I knew of it and kept it a lie.

I later decided to add to my dictionary because it is included in my perspective of normal. It is my normal and… Well even though we all occasionally butt heads Jennavine and Salica are still part of who I am as a system. Yes I was told that I was always known to be Amy but you have only known one face of a system. I also understand that you don’t like some traits that my alters would have, neither do I but I am the one who lives with them and takes responsibility. I am doing the best I can. It is not a complete picture without my alters though people can extrapolate their own conclusions. It is pretty straight forward, though I do wish to be honest with you now that I have developed these identities as well. They once had barriers of amnesia separating their very knowledge of one’s existence and each are complete and, well I am sorry that you feel that you liked the others less but there is nothing I can do about that than simply alter things and it would cause more harm than good if I tried. They like coming out and I cannot deny them that when much of the time I hold no interest in continuing on; I wanted to perhaps relegate myself to the back of my mind and just have Salica & Jennavine keep appearances. ๐ŸŽญ

That I was being questioned for my strength though I am really questioning to my very own strengths too… was really that strong through my childhood trauma – that regardless, there will be people that say it was nothing but to me, I would love to trade places with you. I have integrated the memories that had previously been repressed through representing locked alter’s memories as flashbacks. It was more than just bullied but yeah was bullied as a small child. Losing many heirloom pieces of clothing/accessories… Feeling not only bad that you lost it but the reason why it was lost is much more upsetting. Oh yes, you keep reliving the trauma, but now as an adult I am no longer in that unsafe situation and no longer have to deal with the legal proceeds.

Imagine being like 7 years old and having a 14 year old drag your naked self through the bush all night after being touched in the least appropriate places and losing a few pieces of your clothing while dodging the neighborhood search party. Not fun then compound that with doctors, police and finally… going to court at 10 for something that happened 3 years ago!

We still continue on with struggling to keep holding on to any last inkling of our mental health. The depression can be crippling and well you have stronger urges to hang from a tree rather than get out of bed. There was no motivation, other than to simply get to the other side than to simply get out of bed to face the day. I’ve been ridiculed for it by those I thought were close and could trust but the only accomplishment here is that you have successfully labeled me as one of many derogatory names from the book. You are a thief for I have lost my words as the shock of your remark has me going without.

The Big Mole wants to send a letter to the Premier for the way that I was treated. It is a nice gesture that I would have help with the letter but I am not sure if I really want to fight this. It feels like I am beating a dead horse, I would very much like to simply move on from this. Yes, it stings but it was honestly a nightmare and I didn’t want it to get any worse! Some want to stand their ground, I say they can have it because it is faulty. I have sturdy territory elsewhere. I decided it was kind of futile and more stress than it is worth. Though it seems almost everything is trending that way. Just in time for the holidays hellidays. I say that because I is the first year without any of my grandmothers and I really just wanted to be left alone for the holidays. I used to look forward to this time, as it couldn’t come soon enough contrasted to now how I feel this time came too soon. I don’t want to say it out loud because of how insensitive it is but I also want to be honest. This tears me so I sugarcoated it and opted in making less plans so we can dam up the overwhelming floodgate that is the holiday season. The less time you are out there, the less opportunity for a situation to go south. This process of getting it all together is incredibly exhausting, and gatherings are quickly becoming something that I do not really look forward to anymore. I will just largely withdraw from the festivities, as I identify with the Christmas carols that say skip this year and maybe just try for the next.


I am done. So here is an ultimatim I shall give everyone: You can hold your end of the bargain and accept me. That is all I ask, in fact I do not really want anything else for Christmas; if you are simply incapable of such a simple request, I would then ask you to leave me alone and don’t talk to me anymore but at least I will know where I stand. It sure well done with being ashamed.. Guess I shall keep myself couped up and recoup quickly! Though, I actually want a life and I’m kinda a motivation too… Guess what? I like to code! I like to practice with my blog posts. Pretty basic as of late. I am a double edge sword, I am so sharp that I know I will make the cut! How hard can it be? The first coder was a lady who made a program that can calculate Bernoulli numbers! Hot damn is it in here or is it just me? Guess I will check… *touches self* *tss* Maybe both!

I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I can assure you that my Damascus blades are for these two reasons: One, steel blades made from Japanese Damascus steel was constructed and known as among the strongest and sharpest and second, I am no tool. ~Salica

You know what is good, will add more stories later. ๐Ÿ’ฏ so finish up your holiday shopping and have yourself a little…

โ˜•Cheers! ~4NeonFun

Tags: #psychology, #health


Author: 4neonfun

๐Ÿ‘‹Hello, and welcome to my corner of the Internet! Here you will find a unique collection of stories and artistic expression. โญA system with a dark history and a bright future.๐ŸŒŸ We DID it!๐ŸŽ‰ Certified Nursing Attendant & Administrative professional. Visit my website at www.4neonfun.xyz โ˜•Cheers! ~4NeonFun

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