Out from the haze of the past, setting sights for clear horizons. 💯
It may not make sense to many but to start, I never had goals or ambitions – rather just exist until I don’t. I never chose life but somehow taking it only leads to more pain regardless if it is your own or onto another person. Rather, I had suicidal ideation. Plans were made as I fantasized the day that it all ends. Great solace is found in the understanding that life is not permanent. You could even say that I was the voice of destruction; the Thanos of my system. It is one of those “This may seem off to you, but I can explain…”
My headmates are self-aware of such and they are extremely protective of me. It may not be the case of all systems to function in harmony, as ours originally haven’t though through time there were key changes that were made. The construct is in itself is a highly sophisticated and adaptable defense mechanism. The misunderstanding here is that others may only consider the concept of alters as part of a fragmented and a broken identity is myopic in the least. At worst, is an extremely destructive ideology in the mental health community, as misconceptions and stigma compound to halt progression. Many say it can and should be ‘fixed’, such that all entities are to coalesce forcefully into a single identity. Firstly, many of these claims cannot be further be from the truth. How is it that we know better yet choose worse? Do we really know better or the concept of what is best subjective towards its beneficiary? Some may ask but you might be interested in my answer.
The realization that I, being an exception and not the rule has caused my perception to become refracted. The idea that In fact, there are multiple vantage points from our system. The separation of alters by anmesic walls serves a protective function. Imagine having the ability to detatch yourself from extreme situations and have a stunt double stand in. You are effectively shielding yourself from trauma by effectively using a back door, enacting a type of lock down and cast a stand in The thing is, having suicidalility is what likely catalyzed my own self-awareness of being part of a system. Each time I would fall into the depressive state, I would lose time… If it wasn’t for them… It really made me question on whether or not I would have been successful and completed in my own self-destruction. When I have first attempted, I met Dr. Jennavine who has saved my life more times in a 5 year span than what I can count on my fingers.
🗣A resolution one can make in 2020 is to set sights on a clear future.✨
A new perspective one can adopt from setting sights on future clarity shall draw from observing the changes in the behavior itself. When you can understand and appreciate the contrast of never having any of your own juxtaposed with having the zest of taking control over your life. Having intention behind your thoughts and actions will always add clarity to your future endeavors. The concept may question the current paradigm in the understanding of how conscientiousness can be related. Find the Desire and strength within yourself and outlook shall change. 2020 is here and through your intentions the future is clear. Once the drive is there it is time to go!
Tags: #New_Year, #Health