The Interplay of Catoptric Tristesse & Exulanosis as a Barrier to Effective Therapy
“I can’t truly know what my therapist is really thinking of me. I know it sounds trivial to you, but for me, the idea consumes a considerable part of my mental real estate. I cannot explain it either but the anxiety of not really knowing the impression I made on them or even the picture that I have painted consumes me. I don’t hear many who share my perspective much less understand the logistics behind it. Then to clarify, it is the stoicism that bothers me, like they aren’t quite people and that is uncanny to me. I thought emotions are a healthy part of being human, so while I understand that it isn’t exactly healthy nor professional to get too emotionally involved, I still find it difficult to truly express myself. Therapists don’t care to share what they wrote down, and they use every excuse in the book and this makes them sound like an audiobook. I know it’s boring and potentially triggering but I would rather be bored and triggered of what you have to say rather than be without a clue and be restless as to draw conclusions on my progress. This attitude is very unilateral and makes me very leery of you and it compels me to discontinue therapy. The way I see it is that you failed to pass the first milestone of trust vs. distrust due to the lack of transparency on your end and that causes me to no longer see the value of return visits.”
Your self portrait often differs greatly from the way others may present your image. It may be factual or idealistic, or an incredibly abstract version warped to be reflected back similar to that of a house of mirrors.
Anyone else who has experienced this on either side of this perspective can certainly attest that it is an extremely unpleasent experience. To say you have the ability to identify with the problems it may present may even be difficult to verbalize aloud given the stipulations of such a response. Moreover, the feeling of understanding a variety of personal topics in a unique way and the lack of apparent sense that you or your concepts are understood. Seeking resolve to this question can be an arduous task and can be a distressing endeavor leading towards the culmination of nighthawk induced insomnia. There is simply no rest simply because perplexing thoughts of uncertainty regarding your perceived role. It can be agonizing to some where others do not seem to have any affect. Some may even describe their ideals as silly and therefore dismiss them or resort to denial. The position is often undermined as others simply do not see the significance of such a perspective or relate to it in the same way you would. Since it also an unpopular opinion to hold, it makes most isolating because others don’t share your perspective. Having others outright disagree with you or not appear to have an opinion at all might cause you question yourself or even feel invalidated for holding that position. You may even come across these lines:
“It’s their job to act detached, they are people just like you but they supposed to be a neutral third party because if they didn’t they would experience compassion fatigue and nothing would be accomplished.”
How many were told this but have difficulty with this response? It is healthy to have a reaction to a certain degree, even if the reaction is “I am not personally attached to that situation but I can understand how you have arrived to that conclusion.” Or another line that underscores the role that you are not emotionally invested as a separate third party but can validate a certain reaction or otherwise work towards a healthier response. It is a healthy reaction that is appreciated rather than one of self-rightiousness or lack of emotional investment if placed in a similar situation. It the very lack of reciprocity in their response may set an element of doubt, due to the lack of human-like response in our feedback system. We often expect a preordained reaction to the sentiment so when it is absent, it may force the speaker to question the validity of their own reaction. Invariably, the impression you wish to create may strike balance in such situations and foster a healthy reaction to each situation regardless of emotional investment. Indeed it can be done, albeit difficult as a variety of factors for each party must be considered as they each may have a different interpretation on what that may be. It can best be described as a “line of best fit,” or a range given a context and logistics to interpret whether a reaction is healthy. One can more objectively describe the metrics behind such reaction when they are not emotionally invested as different centers of the brain are used. A few moments can be spared, if appropriate, is to briefly and momentarily reflect back your own interpretation of the details expressed during the consult, to ensure that it is an accurate representation. It also allows the chance to share any additional details that might be missing. In addition, it may assist you towards the conclusion of the current session. It also fosters a trusting environment conductive towards personal development and an element of tough love when there is an element of mutual understanding of pertaining logistical facts. A few details may also erase that unpleasent feeling of not knowing what the other is thinking since they have shared those details and there is not much motivation here to be deceptive.
After all, I express yet another word to you: Sonder. The idea that each person here on this world is an individual whose lives are greatly intricate. Each person is an author to their own life as well as have the ability to write on the pages in others. Each interaction each party has is a new perspective, and is often reflected in each party’s own timeline. Each reflection becomes distorted via the lens it is observed, reflected and articulated. With each individual the moment of sonder is greatly appreciated, including whether or not they really think of you and whether or not knowing their opinion would truly impact the greater image of their intricate livelihood. By proxy, the image that you provide is based on what can be observed during the time spent with you, which is only a pittance to another. To someone who is taught to be objective it can be difficult to truly detatch any personal biases and simply take it as it is presented and truly understand its meaning and draw based on what messages you knowingly and unknowingly interpret and contrast that to external sources. What is observed during your visits and the idea of you become more than simply that it is often associated with a grandiose sense of self. Others who feel they are forgotten will evoke the opposing reaction and feel insignificant. At either rate, it is up to them how they choose to present themselves and up to the beholder to form their own opinion at their will.
Apparent gnossienne can set in as you share the most intimate attributes of yourself and detailing your personal life. The outsiders’ ponder and possibly the prospect of having them know more about you than you know yourself. What details are they holding that I may potentially be myopic? Is there any truths to this interpretation and what is the reason for interpreting it that way. Whether or not you wish to become cognizant also hinges on a variety of factors such as how confident you are of the idea when challenged and how you view the alternatives. Do you identify with or hold these values close? What if I challenge that notion by presenting these data? Each person is holding a different picture based on the details provided. Your story is possibly tinted through the color of your own rose colored glasses as you deny certain truths while spectators are likely only observing through their lens. This brings around the idea uncertainty of even what the therapist’s inernest reaction.
Having this introspection is healthy, often encouraged as a healthy a healthy outlook affects your presentation despite being rarely verbalized in any meaning, much less how they would relate in a separate context. Or rather explained in a way to be understood and eventually accepted by clients rather than withholding pertaining details known to induce anxiety in clients, effectively blindsiding them. Particularly those who value transparency, are particularly vunerable in such a setting, feel they are unable to connect. The mind doesn’t help but wander in elipsism about the impression that you have made in your interactions. Most people you can ask about their impression on a variety of topics and they may respond accordingly and even may appreciate that interaction and then it is your choice to decide on whether you wish to consider it and whether there is motivation to be misleading. Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem but the notion is deeply rooted in the context it presents itself. Relationships change the dynamic of interactions and with that, thare are a select few that I have regard them on levels they only begin to articulate. I can project onto them that some things simply cannot be explained using spoken language. Rather that each experiences we each have is uniquely interpreted our own way and unless you can humble yourself towards understanding a perspective that is detached from your own and allow it to naturally present it can you begin to objectively view the picture at large.
Disclaimer: The purpose of this article is not to dissuade anyone from seeking professional assistance for their mental health. If you feel that you would benefit from professional insight, then do not hesitate to reach out. The focus is exploring the barriers one can face during the therapeutic process.
Tags: #critique #MentalHealth