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Because I was not.. I was in grief from my own life, that I merely have drawn myself out of my own mind to go do some traveling. Think of it as this, we have a body that although is the only one we have and is the most valuable thing we have this perception of value based off how it looks, instead of function. Which led me to think… What could I actually do?
As many of you know about it from earlier posts, or perhaps you have read my story from my other sites I have online, or came here from my website. However you may have got here, or if you just stumbled across it while aimlessly browsing social media and are new, I have fibromyalgia. Essentially, there are two types of pain, one that we get from a painful stimulus like burning your hand (nociceptive pain) and pain without apparent injury and hurts regardless (neuropathic pain) I would like to put it as a way of my nerves pointing the middle finger at its own self. It just is and will always be there widespread and chronic pain to my muscles and other soft tissues.
What Do I Do?
I admit it, sometimes I do not have the best measures of dealing with stuff. Sometimes, I just simply am out of my mind and doing some mental travels. Unhindered by the stimulus and physical constraints of having a body, you simply drift… Yet, it is deeper and more comprehensive than a simple daydream and much more lucid. I describe it as simply exiting your vehicle; it is still good but you don’t have to drive it all the time, others can take the wheel and you still have to maintain what you have or know how to shift gears. Half the time I do not recall what it was what it was and other times when said place was traveled it was like I had never left and all was remembered, plus more information about previous details left out earlier. Sounds crazy, eh? Maybe I just am but I still function… Just on autopilot, and autopilot developed a mind of its own that it, too developed a character… Perhaps so, one may raise eyebrows about the writer now as this may border on crazy to some.
The concept of craziness is subjective and what you may think is crazy varies from what I believe is crazy. My crazy does not intend to harm, you see I have developed a few let’s say unorthodox ways of achieving things. One example was the use of profanity, especially prevalent in ways of expressing pain… Parents did not like it at first and wash my mouth out with soap to try to teach a lesson, well if that lesson was how to aquire a taste for soap. Well, you knew when it was counterintuitive that at one time when I got caught and then to return the shock value I said: “MmmMmm brushing your teeth with soap as part of your routine makes for a cleaner and whiter smile, maybe you should try some.”
You bet that the parental units were not pleased by it but it was not like their classic “I brought you into this world and I can take you out” phases me as at the point; I was depressed myself, and I realized I had no will to live and not much i really wanted to live for. It was not my idea to be born, and it could end at any time without me knowing. I just find it hard to look long term to set goals given that there is no guarantee that I will live until then. If all else fails, I know that life is temporary and that whatever I decide to do during that time really does not matter in the grand scheme of the universe. I know as myself as a mere speck in a blip of time. Yet to my parents threats to take my birthday away I would see it as an opportunity for them to fix their mistake instead of actual behavior management.
Perhaps it was why I came so close to ending my own life. I saw it as a means to an end, suffering from pain and had enough of life, well pull plug while young when you really did not build up much or really actually develop relationships and connections beyond immediate family. I simply did not want to be here, and I know that there is a permanent way of changing that. Yet I had failed in my attempt not because something external stopped me or modern medicine prior to flat line… No, and arguably this is the most crazy I will stand, because while I could not care what side of the dirt I was on or where I was going… Someone else inside my head had a stake in survival. Perhaps this is an unusual case of multi personalities that you come across, but who really cares at this point? I would likely have retained control throughout the attempt, pulled the trigger and became worm food years ago.
I have no intention on hurting anyone, I gathered and awareness for other life as well and shifted to a plant based lifestyle. In times of living in a modern world, why is it that if we value our lives so much, shouldn’t we reflect it by not making others shorter? I would not imagine the other animals having a desire to be chopped into bits or being forcefully bred into existence simply for another’s palate pleasure. To me, the whole system is barbaric and goes against our values. I can quickly dispel the myth that humans function best on a meat centered diet. Raising animals for food uses up a considerable amount of resources that could have otherwise been used to create exponentially more plant based ingredients for our consumption. Plant based diets reverse signs of heart disease (our #1 killer) have no cholesterol (good for those who have high cholesterol) have lots of fiber (humans require fiber for peristalsis which animal based foods lack) and as far as protein, it all comes from plants, in fact the way I see it, it is not even as good as it requires an acidic environment to break down whereas plant protein digests well in a more alkaline environment. To maintain a normal blood pH of 7.4, if the levels dip lower, calcium is pulled from bones to raise it and can pull calcium from blood to regulate. Problem is, with excess calcium in blood, it must be excreted, and gets filtered by the kidneys, sometimes it builds up and creates stones. Studies show that countries who consume the most dairy also have the highest levels of osteoporosis. Dairy is extremely inflammatory and the calcium gets excreted because the acidic environment thus running at a negative calcium balance is what is happening in most supports these findings. Much better sources of calcium include dark, leafy greens, legumes, nuts, grains, and fortified non dairy based milk. Hemp is my personal favorite boasting high amounts of nutrients and having a creamy consistency and froths well while having none of the drawbacks makes for an instant favorite!
Ohh and speaking of hemp, it is a great time to share that HempWorx is coming back to Canada on August 1! You can preorder it HERE! Hemp is so versatile, and not limited to the narrow perception that many have. For those who are environmentially conscious, hemp is a valuable cash crop and can provide so many new ways we look at products. You do not need much space for large yield, which contrast animal agriculture with its large requirements for land and resources to provide a very small quantity. Plant yourself here, let’s hemp the world, and we can all grow together!
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