Welcome, it has come to my attention that it is now actually Friday. I have done two parts from my last post for my Website Wednesday series. I have updated a lot on my site, mended broken links and updated a few other things on there. Still, I get an average of 40 views a day from the old webpages I am no longer affiliated with. I hear Salica in the back chanting “Cut it out!” I agree, folks… my website is here and my shop is here!
Junior, he is one tough cat. Oh and before anyone thinks it is our PM “Junior”, you are wrong! That drama teacher would not last a day out in this wild world. I have not seen him since last Thanksgiving, and we live in Alberta, Canada. He can launch himself off trees to catch magpies for lunch, the cat is a solid brick if you were fortunate enough to be within sight, much more if able to make contact. Junior causes no drama, he moved on and thrives, in fact he is content with only being sighted once or twice a year. On other note, Junior has the tendency to return either after an incident or in the case of last year, and that was to grab his raw turkey neck and launch himself off our roof and into trees. Junior is elusive and wild and more than capable of surviving in the wild as he has done this a couple years now, in his element rather than battling, he embraces every moment.
Warning: Parts of this story includes graphic details not suitable for everyone. Please use discretion when reading. Otherwise you may just scroll down to “Marblous”, my Theme Thursday addition!
Yeah, well back with Salica. she’s the crazy devil on your shoulder, impulsive and when crossed craves none other than fetishizing bathing in their blood. Which is a stark contrast to how I am normally; peaceful and disgusted by these thoughts/acts of violence. Fortunately, it has been a long time since one of these said episodes. Well, with one exception being Joe’s Garage… I had no recollection of the weekend except maybe what was said by alters in some echo chamber and third person dreams at first unclear but as these visions started recurring, I have in fact recollected my (think I lost my marbles yet, just wait!) … near death experience… Really, technically I should not have made it … dissociation at its finest, perhaps?
Yet, stranger still was how the system functions. I may have to (potentially) be on high alert as high risk as that was the point where that lack of will to live really shows.. Just shown the world I could have been gone and that was okay. Life may be short, but it was the longest thing that I have done and that means that it would have been my eternity. News would have had it airway was obstructed by none other than inflammation… Yes, it was brought on by my attempt… Which I could hardly consider it mine, not like the one in which another much more balanced and well-versed individual manifested… Now Jennavine in herself is controversial, as some may consider this story borderlining on spirituism/religion (I do not want to touch that) but essentially I have family members that thought I was possessed and threatened to make me go sit in holy water while holding croses and bibles… (if this sounds like the Exorcist, it practically was) and they were freaking out. Meanwhile, I was conflicted between leveraging this newfound fear and raise hell or play it off as a phase.
I played it off, really essentially hiding my equivalent to Eminem’s Slim Shady… As the contrary would indeed be very exhausting. At this point, I knew if anything it would be me who possesses the self-destructive tendencies (searching for delete button). PS. There is none, plus pretending the alters were not present to appear normal resulted in developing some serious trust issues. Then, I really played it off with EMINEM, drawing parallels, you may go on and on but you will still never meet. Conversely, in that the irony was is Jennavine has a stronger desire for me to live than my own desire to die.
Plus, I see it as being serial killer if I also take them to the nothing. I could not do that, especially when I have that flashback and one of my most notable dissociation; April 12, 2009. In the middle of my own attempt my own thoughts, though going off Wayne Gretzky “You miss 💯% of the shots you do not take. Shoot for the brainstem you got one shot, but you know if you back out now you miss anyways.” Well yeah, it was all dark and looking back hardly anyone actually accepts my story. Most say I should go to the looney bin and I simply say, “Hmm, that does not reflect me, next time try saying that in front of a mirror.” Then as they say I am acting… “Oh, and now we are in theater? By the way, I am not acting.” If work values diversity, therefore I should be valued, regardless, I would consider me myself and I quite diverse.
Then these thoughts of mine were well Salica wants to say cut out….. Slice n dice slice n dice… Like my skin… Oh, by way you could not make a cut grusome enough to represent the other types of pain experienced and no suture would ever unite the edges of the wound. The committee in my head would never allow such acts of self mutilation so therefore has trumped the impulse. Okay, now she is laughing manically “I shall do for years what the committee shall not allow!”. She is the one where all inhibitions fly out the window and quite frankly is a little crazy… Better since, but still I am not acting crazy but the crazy shall simply show.
Well, on my other shoulder I have Jennavine. She speaks and it is a calm almost whispery type, yet it is firm all at the same time. You could fall asleep hearing her speak, not because she is boring, quite the contrary, but her voice is therapeutic… Heh perhaps the term “mental hospital” needs new name, I got one here, my head! I recall seeing myself in third person flashback… a decade ago… I saw myself pull the firearm away… Unload, put everything away and with such grace she swiftly returned the keys and I found myself in bed my head spinning as if I was on the Mindbender and now have vertigo. Though somehow I was calm. Perhaps I have lost my marbles. Hey, if someone like Perry or Ashworth finds a few of them rolling their way, watch your step… Trippy….
Other factors to lead on to that impulse, well family deciding to split right as you are experiencing menarche and then howling bloody murder. At this point, above experiencing the normal things you would expect entering the often dreaded teenaged years, starting to have symptoms of Fibromyagia, mental health issues, and a laundry list… Besides that I had been reduced to a sheer possession when they threw the word “custody” ugh. I hated that word, makes it sound slave-driver like and dehumanizing. Okay, I guess I shall actually act relatively sane to get through.. Now, I really could not care less about what these family members say as most of them hardly think. They blocked me, my mother and brother for unrelated events. Good riddance, gotta love it when the trash takes itself out!
May you marvel in marble madness! Alright as far as alliteration goes, heh not the best but hey not my worst, either and it fits the theme. Or perhaps I really have lost my marbles and not even this is going to restore it. HE🏒🏒, the world is not my mirror, it does not reflect me. Simultaniously, since the world does not reflect me, I have no need to reflect worldly desires as they are not my own.
Tags: #4NeonFun, #Art, #Story, #ThemeThursday, #tgif, #Marblous, #abstract, #mpd, #shoutout